Wait, I ran how far?

I ran a half marathon.

Wait, what?

Oh, excuse me. I ran a f*@king half marathon. 13.1 miles to be exact.

It feels so good to be able to say (write) that! Running, and enjoying it, is a new venture for me. For as long as I can remember I’ve told myself that I suck at running, I’m not built for it, I don’t like it, I’m slow, it’s hard, I’ll never be good at it, (insert lots of negative self talk). I made sure to verbalize all of this and play it off as a joke so when I wasn’t a very strong runner, I wouldn’t be made fun of. Ah-ha. Self-consciousness. It surfaces again.

Even though I made it known that I wasn’t a “good” runner and that didn’t like it, I always secretly wanted to run a half marathon. Finishing a half marathon in my mind was a bit of a pipe dream, but something that was always there. This wish really started to materialize in the last 6 to 7 months. Maybe dying my hair red was the catalyst, but whatever it was, lately I’ve felt a new sense of self, strength, and desire to do all things that make me feel happy and complete.

Cue baby steps to running.

I started slow (literally and figuratively) trying to figure out this running gig on my own. In the beginning I ran exclusively on the treadmill. (I should step in here and say that how I started my running journey and trained isn’t the right or best way, just how I got myself to the finish line.) Anyway, running on the treadmill seemed like a good start. I could do it in the comfort of my own home, without the prospect of judgmental looks from strangers, and I could stop at any point. As it turns out I wasn’t totally off base, starting on the treadmill did a couple really important things for me. 1. It helped teach me my pace. In the past I had tried to start out too fast, and when I couldn’t sustain that pace I would give up, reaffirming my belief that I just totally sucked. In reality, I’ve learned that in order to go distance, I have to scale my pace back. No biggee. If I want to go 13 miles, don’t break the barrier going breakneck speed. Yet. One day we’ll get there. 2. Running on the treadmill built up my confidence. When I could successfully run 3, 4, 5, 6 miles, I felt incredible. I needed that confidence boost, which helped me move outside and push to hit those greater distances. 3. It kept me consistent. The treadmill is always there. Morning, night, sunshine, rain, they’re in every hotel, doesn’t matter, no excuses. I could have a busy day, get a lot done around the house, or be traveling with a crazy schedule and still be able to make time for a run. 4. There are so many options on the treadmill! You can run sprints, hills, sprint some hills, you name it. I love that feature, especially when you live in a very flat place and have a hard time kicking your butt into high gear. Just click that up arrow on the speed dial a few times, and you’re off to the races. 5. In general, the treadmill helped me get in shape. Running shape that is. I’ve always been active and gone to the gym, strength trained, walked, etc,. But, running shape is a different kind of workout, with different muscles used, and different breathing techniques.

Next step – bring in the big guns. For me, the big guns were my adorable, blonde, bubbly trainer. I confided in her my goals of running a half marathon. I knew if I was going to do this, I wanted to run the Avenue of the Giants Half Marathon. It felt so symbolic and meaningful. When I looked online it was only a couple months away, but I had already been running, did she think I could be ready for it? Of course she did (she had more confidence in me through this whole process than I ever did). She put together a weekly running schedule to help me get ready. It was flexible and I could make it work with my travel and work schedule. The schedule she put together was great, and in the beginning I tried to follow it pretty closely, as I got more confident and further into the process (and learned my body better), I started straying a bit. The guidelines and advice she laid out were critical to my success, but her most important role was being a morale-booster, supporter, cheerleader, and accountability partner. I kept her updated almost daily on my runs (or lack thereof), and how I was feeling. Every time I uttered concern or self-doubt, she was there to tell me I could do it! She really kept me going and pushing through. Plus by letting her into my dream/goal it felt as though I had made the commitment to her too, and I damn sure didn’t want to let her down.

I don’t really have a “next” step, except I just kept running, gaining confidence, and making it a priority. I will say, conquering the mental aspect of running was much harder than the physical part. It was a constant battle of “yes I can”, “think of finishing the race”, and “think how good this will feel”. I slowly started to enjoy the runs and actually believe I could do it, but I’m very black and white. When I’m facing a challenge, I do not operate well in the gray area. For example, I had to hit 13.1 miles on the treadmill for me to really believe I could run outside and possibly do the half marathon. I then had to complete a “practice” 13.1 miles outside for me to know that I could finish the real deal. I’ve heard lots of people say they only got to 7 or 10 miles before race day. Not me. I do not do well with the unknown. What if I blow a lung at mile 11 and can’t finish the last two? What if my body can’t actually push through the extra .1 miles? What if, what if? Knowing how I am, I had to soothe my fears and do everything I could to make sure I was “ready”. It’s amazing how much I have learned about myself and my body the last few months. I would venture to say that I’ve learned more about my mind and body in the last 7 months, than I’d learned in the previous 24 years.

Race day – I was shockingly calm. I’ve always been high strung and when I’m getting ready for anything competitive or new, I’m usually sick to my stomach with nerves. Seriously. Like bring the pepto and water and maybe I should try Lamaze classes? Those breathing techniques seem to work. Anyway, my calmness is attributed in part to my pre-race prep (relaxing day, Epson salt bath the night before, carb loading, lots of sleep, etc.), but mostly to the fact that running has helped change my mindset. For the first time ever I didn’t feel like I was competing against anyone. This was 100% for me. I sort of had a time goal, but really just wanted to enjoy the race and finish it. And I did both of those. Throughout the race I tried to keep at least my normal pace (as with most races, I ended up running a slightly faster pace), but tried to focus primarily on enjoying the run and the route. I was back home, underneath a redwood canopy, the river was running along the road, and words of encouragement were flying through the air – from cheerleaders on the side of the road and from fellow runners. The overall atmosphere was one of encouragement, motivation, admiration, and positivity. I kept thinking how truly blessed I was. What a beautiful place to be enjoying this experience in, what a beautiful day, and what a beautiful thing my body was able to do. Regardless of the mean things I’ve said to it, about it, the crap I’ve put in it, my body was taking care of me. It was carrying me through this journey, and thriving.

I think I finished the race with a smile. Or at least had a smile on my face shortly after. I finished the race in about 2 hours and 9 minutes, which was well under the 2 and a half hours I was hoping for. I felt good, I had proved myself wrong, and I had conquered a goal. It’s funny, stubbornness usually has a negative connotation, for me I think of it as an attribute. My stubbornness helped push me and keep me motivated. My stubbornness was there to make sure I followed this through. I wanted to do this entirely for me and to show that I could. And I did.

I hope to keep running and maybe do a few more half marathons. Although I know running is not my life’s passion, runner’s high is definitely a thing, and I want to utilize my body while I can. What a gift I’ve been given, I don’t want to take it for granted.

Above all else, I think my support system deserves the biggest high five. Jared probably should have gotten a metal at the race too. I may have gotten a little bitchachos-y trying to get out of the house and to the race on time (okay, actually maybe an hour or so early, whatever), and the sweet man just made it happen. I don’t know why he loves me and supports me and gives me hugs and kisses when I am a stinky, sweaty mess, but I’m sure glad he does. When I could only hoof it 8 miles, he told me I totally had it in the bag. When I finished the race he was the first one I saw telling me good job, and he’s the one who got into full photographer-mode to make sure I had Instagram-worthy pictures to document my race. He’s every bit of the recovery-mix to my water at the end of a long run.

More to come on running specifics and my must-haves, but I hope you’re inspired to do something you’ve always wanted to do, even if it feels out of reach. Do the things that make you happy, set goals, build a support system that loves and encourages you. But most importantly, enjoy the route – the sights, smells, sounds, hills, dips, water stations, encouraging words. We’re given one life, we ought to make it a happy one. Cheers.