Redesigning Women

Running the world while we’re cleaning up the kitchen
Making bank, shaking hands, driving 80
Tryna get home just to feed the baby
Skipping the bread for the butter
Changing our minds like we change our hair color
Yeah, ever since the beginning
We’ve been redesigning women

The Highwomen: Redesigning Women

There has never been a doubt in my mind that I couldn’t be anything I damn well pleased.

My strength, independence, determination, and stubbornness is rooted in the band of women I have spent my life looking up to. They are everything admirable and angelic about a woman – they are mothers, wives, sisters, friends, and women of God. They’ve done it all, from juggling their education, career, family, and social life, to standing up for what they believe and being the authors of their future. There is nothing these women can’t do.

I guess when you get down to the core of it, I grew up in a very feminist environment. Not necessarily in terms of today’s society, as I wasn’t raised to hate, fear, or feel threatened by men, but there was never a time when I was given the idea that men were more valuable or capable.

This blindness to society’s traditional mantra, comes directly from my mother. Her childhood was unusual for the time, as she was raised by a single mother in the ’70s. My Nana was the one who worked, cooked, kept a roof over their head, and gave them a childhood chock-full of memories. As a result, my mom was under the impression that if there was to be a superior group of people – men or women – it would most certainly be women. I mean, her father was nothing but a sporadic presence, her mother wore every hat, and to her core my mom has a natural fire. One that is fueled by others’ doubt, and grows in strength as people attempt to extinguish it. In her mind’s eye, it only made sense that women were “superior”. She was absolutely dumbfounded (and if I had to guess, probably argued the point) when her professor entertained the primitive idea that men were superior. This was never true in mother’s world, and I have to laugh, because I don’t think her opinion on the matter has ever faltered.

Through and through, the women in my life have been the glue, forever holding everyone and everything together. They each do it a bit differently with their own style and flair, but collectively represent a set of skills, qualities, and traits that I can only strive to emulate. I am amazed at the range of things they do, from those considered traditionally feminine skills, to those more masculine. They run households and businesses, break the mold, and seem to get it all done effortlessly.

In my mind, these women are feminism at its finest. Unoffensive but bold, and kind yet strong. They never wore pink hats, protested, or plastered vulgar slogans on signs. No, instead they’ve simply lived their lives true to who they are, never letting doubt or mountains deter them. They’ve thrown tradition to the wayside; they’ve overcome challenges that would bring most people to their knees, only to come out of it stronger; they pushed on to be exactly what they wanted; and they consistently step up to the plate, no matter how hard.

Because of these women, my goals never felt out of reach. I never felt limited by my gender. Men don’t intimidate me, and I simply pity the poor man that thinks he has the upper hand. The capabilities and strengths instilled upon me by these women have given me ultimate freedom. But, let’s not forget feminism isn’t just driven by women. Men are just as critical for redefining what it means to be a woman.

To that point, always reaffirming the need to stand on my own two feet was my daddy. He never treated me any differently because I was a daughter and not a son. And being as close, if not closer, than any father-son duo could be, he took every opportunity to teach me the skills I needed to be self-sufficient. So did my Pop. So did The Boys. They were a resource, not a crutch, and there was as much expected out of me as the next person. Looking back at the circumstances, it’s also evident that rural communities and the agriculture industry play their own unique role in this feminist movement. They have a way of putting everyone on the same playing field – woman, man, child, or adult. It’s all hands on deck, with no thought given to your innate characteristics.

As a whole, my life has been an idyllic tale of feminism. Wait, does that make me a feminist? I can’t say I really like that… I feel like the terms feminist and feminism have a soiled connotation these days. While the title of this blog is Redesigning Women, it most accurately should be called Redefining Feminism. The Women’s Movement protests played on the news simply don’t resonate with me. Not to say there isn’t some validity to what they are doing and fighting for, but feminism in my life is more rudimentary. As a society we are so often lost in the weeds. We get hung up in the micro pockets of negativity, hate, and anger, without recognizing that it is okay to be different, and to disagree. Instead of competing with one another and letting gender dominate the discussion, why don’t we just live our lives exactly how we want? Don’t let people tell you who you can and can’t be, things you can and can’t do. Don’t let yourself be bound by the status quo, or caught up in the fringe. Be exactly what you want to be, and let others be who they are, feel how they feel, and develop their own opinion. Let’s make a conscience decision to do what makes us happy, and encourage others to do the same. Let’s devote our energy to being kind and independent, without blaming others for our shortcomings and the constraints we’ve put on ourselves.

As I evolve as a person, I find myself redefining exactly who and what I want to be. Although the one thing that never changes, is my desire to do justice to the memory and work of the women in my life. They’ve paved the way for me, so I will march on. I will continue being the unique balance of cattle women, daughter, sister, friend, businesswoman, gardener, cook, decorator, and writer. I refuse to allow myself to be limited by others’ opinions of me and my capabilities. With the spirit of these women, I know I can do anything I want. Most importantly, I will keep thriving in this beer-meets-martini world. Dolled up with a high-dollar glass of wine one day… and down in the dirt cuttin’ calves with an ice cold Budlight the next. Life’s a dance!