Stress, my old friend.

For as long as I can remember stress has been a constant companion. As I try to fall asleep, during family time, when traveling, work, holidays, parties… you name the time and place, stress has been there with me. I willingly let stress in, and adopted the mottos: “if you’re not stressed, you must not be doing enough!”, and, “you don’t get ahead in life by being complacent!”. These statements were always followed by some minor cringing, nervous laughing, and the inability to relax. But, they were comforting and reaffirmed my complicated relationship.

I accepted and embraced stress, attributing it in part to just who I was and how I was wired. Which is partially correct… I am naturally high strung. All hail the Type A control freak! However, over time stress became more than just a quirky characteristic. For me, it morphed into anxiety. When stress and anxiety got together they adopted gang mentality on my fragile mental health. This Bonnie and Clyde duo, along with growing up, minor fails, and guidance from a mentor, made me recognize that something had to change.

Recognizing an issue and initiating change are two different things. A blessing and a curse is my ability to put on a happy face. I knew I didn’t feel good inside and I wanted it to change, but I didn’t know where to start. And I didn’t want to dump it on other people. It was a personal problem and one I felt like I needed to handle on my own. So I would smile and laugh, be a charming hostess and entertain my peers at events, disintegrating as soon as I was alone again. I lashed out at the people I loved the most, with no good explanation. I was battling the heavy grips of stress and anxiety, but staying busy because it was a welcome distraction. I’m sure many of you can relate to: feeling like someone is stealing the air from your lungs, twisting your stomach in knots, nausea, and a brain so muddled that everything feels foggy. It was no wonder I was willing to try anything. I was grasping for straws and figured at some point something would work. It had to.

It took time to understand what was causing the gut-wrenching feelings and sense of hypoxemia. Once I had an understanding of the battle going on inside my body, I began developing some defenses. I identified what made me happy. Where and what made my stress and anxiety dissipate? Okay… do more of that. What provokes my stress and anxiety? Knowing I can’t eliminate every source of stress (some stress is good for the body!), what can I do to manage those triggers? Today I’ve compiled the following list of stress and anxiety management tools that I’ve found through soul searching, self-reflection, research, and happenstance:

• Essential oils. I was skeptical, but had heard too many good things to throw them to the wayside. I started asking questions, doing some research, and following people who use them to get more familiar. Now, they’re part of my everyday routine. They cause me to recognize my feelings, and give me some sort of control. I can reach for Valor (probably my most-used oil), and instantly start to unwind. I use them for all emotions in all aspects of my life, now. (I use Young Living oils, and for more general information about oils check out the guest blog Essential Everything.)
• Exercise. An unsung hero with a laundry list of benefits. Exercise is simple, and I’ve found I can utilize it no matter where I am (walking to someone’s desk to ask a question rather than calling them, walking the dog, etc.,). When my energy is at its lowest and I feel the least like working out, I know I need to. I no longer let my idea of what a workout “should be” define the my use of this tool. The exercise that has been especially helpful in recent weeks/months has been yoga. The spiritual connection to this form of exercise makes it that much more powerful.
• Cooking. Both the act of cooking and the result, help me decompress. I love the creativity and sense of accomplishment that comes with cooking and baking. I love making others happy, and I don’t believe anyone has ever been sad when someone bakes them a cake. At least no one I want to know.
• Healthy, nutritious food. (Yes I still taste the cakes and cookies I bake, too.) I have to fuel my body correctly to feel my best. Getting out of this habit wreaks havoc on my physical, as well as my emotional, well-being. To keep my spiritual self also satisfied, I keep in mind: “life is a balance”. I lived an all-or-nothing life for a long time, which fed into my stress and anxiety. Shanley says it much better than I do, check out her guest blog (Mindful) Feasting for the lowdown.
• Mushroom powder. I became interested in mushrooms after following Natalie’s Naturals, and from there stumbled upon Mushroom Revival. I was fascinated by the benefits of mushrooms. I chose to get the Mush10 Powder and add it to my morning coffee. I was sold when I read “Adaptogenic and enhances the body’s capacity for stress.”.
• Massages. It might sound silly, but this is one of the few things that causes me to fully relax and let go. I try to get regular massages from Debbie (my all-time favorite masseuse), and always leave feeling lighter and better.
• My Savor Life Planner. This planner has helped me alleviate stress by planning my day. I pull my weeds, and plant my seeds, making sure I start my day with focus. It helps guide me to the goals I’ve set for myself, and sets me up for success.
• On that note I’ll add, “detoxing my brain”. Straight from my Savor Life Planner, and something I do as a mental check when I feel myself slipping. Detoxing your brain in this case is listing out the “shoulds, woulds, and coulds”. My list is usually something like: perfection, caring what other people think, making everyone happy, going all the time, having to know everything, looking perfect, control, worrying. Once you rid yourself of these constricting thoughts and rules, life gets a lot better.
• Getting outside (and usually with my camera!). Similar to exercise, listed above, but a bit more specific. There’s something about fresh air, flora and fauna, that puts a smile on my face. It helps me become grounded and recenter. A hike or walk will usually pull the curtain of tension away.
• My favorite things. I have a mental list of small things that make me happy. Whether it is reading my book, taking the time to sit and drinking coffee in the morning, watching my favorite movie or show, or walking my dog, I try to take the time to incorporate at least one of these into my day. It helps me feel less overwhelmed, and is sometimes that sprinkle of happiness you need to lighten your whole day.
• A mentor. I never thought this was all that important, and certainly never sought one out. Fortunately for me it all kind of fell into place. Guidance from someone you respect, and someone who has been where you are, is a game changer. They often recognize things you are too in the trenches to recognize yourself. Hearing things you don’t want to, can sometimes be the greatest gift. As a perfectionist it sounded something like: “You’re fried. You may not recognize it, but you need a break and to step away.”. They were right.

• Faith, family, and friends. My faith has been an even more consistent companion than stress ever was. I look to my grandmother’s worn out bible for guidance. His word, and her notes have never let me down. Neither has my family. Or my friends.

This is my list of tools. Aids. Not quick fixes or catch-all solutions. This list will vary for everyone. The best thing you can do is to dig deep and develop your own list. Sometimes it starts with trial and error, or testing what worked for someone else. By all means, get outside, lather up with oils, or drink mushroom powder. We’re on this earth for too short of a time to battle ourselves and slink through life unhappy.

I’m thankful I get to make stress and anxiety management a part of my daily routine. I abstain from saying “have to”, because in reality we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. Too often we forget that life is a series of choices. Ones that we get to make. Everyday. (Yes there are things out of our control, but we choose how we react.) Fortunately, my choice is to enjoy my life for all its worth, and do it laughing. And when you look up at that list, those are all pretty fun things. Why wouldn’t I want to manage my stress and anxiety?

I hope each of you take something positive and helpful from this blog. It’s a bit raw and uncomfortable to write. But something I think is important to share. I hope you have a wonderful day, and week, and cheers to being on this roller coaster together.