Livin’ on love

On the heals of National Love Day, it only seems natural to carry on the love.

Right down the wedding aisle.

Because I’m living the old saying “always a bridesmaid, never a bride”, I can only detail the beauty of bachelorette party planning and perks of being part of the bridal party (helllllo full bar access). So to fill in all those other blanks (I don’t know, like the whole actually planning a wedding and getting married part), I’ve enlisted one of my besties.

Still not sure how she did it. She worked full time, completely revamped her home and property, planned a dreamy wedding, pulled off a dreamy wedding, and kept a sliver of sanity. I am overwhelmed just thinking about everything she did, and if I’m ever the one in the white gown I will probably just have her go ahead and plan it. But, for all you other go-getters out there, she was willing to share some of her planning secrets, so I’ll turn it over to her –

He Asked, I said YES!

So you get engaged, everything is rainbows and sunshine, he finally popped the question after so many years… now what? Where do you start? What do you do first? The stress of what needs to get done in such little amount of time starts to consume you. There are endless decisions to be made, and let’s be real, your fiancé does NOT care what you decide when it comes to colors, place settings, what he or his groomsmen wear, the timeline, the music…

But to get this planning party started, let’s talk about what he might care about:

1. How he asks his groomsmen to be in his wedding. My husband didn’t know how people do this nowadays, he was fine with just calling them up and asking them. The creative bride in me wanted to do more, though, so we skimmed through Etsy and found something he liked. We went with engraved pocket knives with each groomsmen’s name on them. There are so many options depending on how much you want to spend, but don’t feel obligated to do this if you are planning on getting your bridal party gifts for the day of the wedding.
2. Food & Bar. Of course they want to know what food they’ll be chowing down on the big day! And they do actually care, because this is one of your biggest expenses. I don’t know about you, but we weren’t going to spend $60/person on steak and lobster. Instead, we went with a family friend’s catering business whose cooking Logan loves. As for the bar, we went with an open bar. Let’s be real, it is expensive, but the last thing you want to do at a wedding is shell out money to grab a drink. My husband and his dad chose what drinks would be served.
3. Projects, projects, projects. What do you need made? What projects do you have up your sleeve for him to do before the week of the wedding? These are things he definitely wants to know, and by the time your wedding rolls around he will most certainly hate Pinterest (oops!). Need an archway for the ceremony? Done. Need a bar built? Done. How about a stage, or an entire dance floor covering? Yeah… we may have bit off more than we could chew for ours, but we were investing in our home at the same time. So I think it was a win-win, right honey?!
4. Cake Tasting. So some guys really enjoy this with their bride-to-be, mine did not. Instead I brought the cakes home and he tasted them after the appointment. The one thing we did special on our day was have an ice cream truck, so when it came time to taste all the ice creams, he did participate and have fun with it. Whether you are doing cookies and milk, or a traditional cake or pies, or whatever it might be for your dessert, try to capture your guy’s favorite sweet and enjoy the tasting venture together.

If you do have a fiancé that wants to be more involved, power to him! Have fun with it and enjoy doing everything together. On the other hand, don’t get your hopes up or set expectations in your mind if he doesn’t want to partake in the planning process. He asked you to marry him, he might think his job is done!

Okay, now that the groom’s part in planning is complete (cue eye roll), back to the rest of the details!

Some of the first things you’ll want to check off your list, are:

1. Enjoy being engaged for a hot second! And then, set a date. When setting a date, keep in mind the season, is it in the summer, will you need an indoor reception so guests aren’t sweating? Spring is so beautiful, but will it rain? I love the fall, but will the flowers I want be in season? Weigh your options and prioritize what’s most important to you!
2. Get organized. Recently, I have heard a few new brides say, oh I don’t need a website. WRONG! You should create one, if not for your guests, then for yourself and the tools that come along with it. It’s an easy access point for them to hop on their phone and look up where you’re registered, or a reminder for the time and address of your venue. Websites are what you make them, you can go all out and post engagement photos, details about your wedding, places to stay, registries, etc., or you can do the minimal and just have your names, venue, date, time, and registry links. As a tool for you, websites offer the check-off lists. This was great for me! When you log on to your account through The Knot or Wedding Wire (or whichever server you choose), there is a timeline based on your wedding date that helps you stay organized. Have you booked you venue? Check. Have you ordered your save the dates? Check. Have you ordered your wedding dress? Check. Etc, etc., I also highly recommend getting an Erin Condren wedding calendar/organizer. They are like $40-$50 online but again, it’s a year calendar based on your wedding date that includes so many helpful tools. My favorite were the pages that had timelines and check lists on what you should have accomplished 12 months from wedding, 6-8 months from wedding, week of wedding, and everything in between.

Check, check!

Now for some of the other big details and planning steps…

Plan it yourself or hire a wedding planner? This is something you might want to decide early on. Wedding planners can be expensive. If you have the support and the skills to plan your wedding on your own, DO IT! I reached out to planners for pricing, ones for day-of wedding and for the entire process. They can range in price, but I didn’t have $3,000-$6,000 to spend for either. This is totally a personal preference, if you have the budget and can hire one or aren’t an organized person at all, get one, I know they can be super helpful!

My biggest recommendation would be go to a bridal show to get your feet wet and into the planning mode, ANDDD take someone with you. A family member, a friend, or a bridesmaid. The first one will definitely overwhelm you.

Don’t know where any bridal shows are, or when? Google it! Google is an amazing thing, use it to help you, I asked Google wedding sh!t all the time.

The first bridal show I went to was at a small, local winery. I got ideas of what I did or didn’t want, the prices on rentals and DJ’s, and I got entered for some free giveaways and discounts. Man oh man the discounts! Bridal shows literally have vendors throwing discounts at you as you pass their booths. USE THEM! One of my rental companies gave me 25% off for booking at a show, another gave me $500 off. These are significant savings! Once you’ve got your feet wet, take it home to soak it in, do some research on your own, follow vendors on Instagram, follow wedding planners on Instagram (they usually link vendors they work with and highlight venues on their pages, so it’s a quick way of envisioning your day the way you want it).

Then, hit a bridal show or two again later. Fresno and Sacramento have HUGEEE bi-annual bridal shows. I went to the Fresno show in January with an agenda, and a list of vendors to book. It was entertaining to see so many brides-to-be aimlessly walking the aisles, overwhelmed with the options, while we were there to hit specific vendor booths, take advantage of discounts, and get the heck out. I do NOT recommend going to a large scale bridal show first! Start small, research, and plan!

Moving to one of the hardest parts of wedding planning: who do you choose to do the damn thing with you? Of course if you have siblings, you can usually guarantee they will be a part of your bridal party, who else though? For me, my husband chose first, he told me who he wanted on his side and we went from there. I would’ve been fine with 5 but we ended up with 8. How big or little your bridal party is, is up to you guys, don’t forget though, you have to buy them wedding gifts to thank them for being a part of your big weekend, and it can get expensive if you have 15 each! Bridal parties can be tricky. How do you avoid hurting someone’s feelings if they don’t get asked? We allll run into this whether we realize it or not. I have seen way too many times to count, where someone guilts a bride into making them a bridesmaid, someone is a bridesmaid and doesn’t contribute at all, or someone is upset for not getting asked to be in a wedding (hate to admit, but that last one, yeah that was me one time). What you have to realize is, this is your day! Go ahead and be selfish, this is one time in your life when you can be and get away with it without being judged. Put whoever you want in your wedding, but make sure that the rest of your bridal party can count on one another everyone to help, contribute, or attend all the activities surrounding your wedding.

Okay. Hard stuff out of the way (well, sort of). Let’s switch gears to more specific wedding details:

Who do you get to do your flowers? Do you want flowers? Who to hire as a photographer? Do you want a videographer? What colors do you want? Where to buy bridesmaid dresses? Do the guys wear tuxes? Half and half – slacks and button down shirts? What to wear for engagement photos? Where to shop for wedding dresses? Where to buy invites or save the dates? Where to look for venues?

My tips for those specific questions:

• Flowers. Try to go local! Some high school ag programs have floral classes that can do your flowers for much cheaper than going to an actual florist, or you can order flowers through these programs and do them yourself.
• Colors. Embrace your personality with what you want your bridal party to wear. My husband wanted to wear pants and cowboy hats, and his favorite color is green, so that helped us decide what the boys were wearing. As for the girls, I saw a picture on Pinterest that I fell in love with, and knew I always wanted my girls in black.
• Where to get the attire. For your girls, shop online! Lulus, Show Me Your Mumu, Azazie and Babaroni are all great. A lot of these places can send you swatches of dress colors if you are having a hard time choosing, or want to mix and match, for around $2-$3 a swatch or $10 for a swatch book. As for the guys, we went with Men’s Wearhouse. Some of the groomsmen lived in other areas or out of state, but could get fitted at their local MW and have it shipped to our local store for the week of the wedding.
• Invites and Save the Dates. Shop online!! There are always discounts online and a variety of formats. If you order Save the Dates, typically that same company will send you a discount later and you can use it towards invites.
• Photographers. GO WITH WHO YOU LOVE!! We were going to go with a family friend to save money, but ultimately went with someone I admired the heck out of on Instagram. We live in California and our photographer was from Colorado. Even with travel expenses for the engagement photos and the wedding, she was still less expensive then a lot of California photographers that I loved.
• Engagement Photos. Are you getting your makeup done for your wedding? Schedule your wedding makeup trial for the day of your engagement photos!! When it comes to what to wear, your photographer can be such a huge help here. Molly, our photographer, suggested three outfits: a formal, a “nice” one, and an everyday one. She pointed me in the direction of places to shop, like VICI Collection, for endless options on formal outfits.
• Wedding Dress. Research shops or hashtags on Instagram. Wedding dress shops only carry certain designers, so if you like princess/ ballgown type dresses, make sure the shops you plan to schedule appointments with have those styles of dresses. I ended up going to Rancho Cordova near Sacramento to find my dress, because the shops around my area didn’t carry designers with the dress I envisioned.
• Venues. When it comes to venues, usually you already know the local spots because you’ve attended weddings there before. If this isn’t the case, use those bridal shows to scope venues out. And again, check out wedding planners’ Instagram accounts to see where they have had clients book at to see if that might be up your alley. In our case, we decided to not spend the money in a venue and decided to investment the money we would’ve spent, in our home and had a “backyard” wedding.

There are so many details that go into planning this one day.

24 hours.

1,440 minutes.

You might think is it worth it? Should we just elope?

Having gone through it and planned a 300 person wedding all on my own, I can without a doubt say – it is WELL WORTH it!

Okay, now start planning!