Oops, am I allowed to talk about religion?

If the title didn’t give it away, this post is about religion. I’ll admit I’m a bit nervous. Religion is villain-ized in today’s society, and with our PC-driven culture it is a big no-no. Especially if you want followers. But, hate me if you will (or just don’t read on), I am who I am. As Clint Eastwood would say, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

If you read “Raised by cowboys” you’re probably under the impression I’m an absolute heathen. You’re not totally wrong, but on the flip-side of the equation I was a well-behaved, dress-and-ruffly-sock-wearing, Sunday-school-attending, young lady. As important as my parents and the boys were in my upbringing, so was my Gram Pam. Gram Pam wanted a lady for a granddaughter, and well, I’m what she got. But she made do! Leave it to Pam to polish a turd. Ha, she would be so disappointed in my mouth. Sorry Gram! I can’t help it. Anyway, when dad would take me to Gram’s, off came the wranglers and on went the dress or skirt, and eventually skorts (functional girlwear, Gram knew a girl had to be able to look cute AND be able to play tackle ball). She also loved to shove my boot-worn feet into ruffly socks. The thought of those still perturb me.

Grandmother would take Bugsy and I to Wednesday Night Live (bible study for kids), and would let us test our acting skills in the church Christmas pageants. They donned me in angel regalia, the irony is not lost on me, either. I can also remember singing Christmas carols at the old folks home. Good thing they couldn’t hear well to start with, because my singing can break glass. Those high notes really speak to me. In general, singing is a highlight of church services. No one in our family can sing, and it always made me die laughing when Gram would refuse to sing and instead would mouth the words. The woman loved God, but she had her limits, too.

Fast forward to today, and my thoughts on God and who the man behind the wisdom is, have changed. I used to think he was a stodgy, monotonous man. In my heart today, I believe he’s a friend. I believe he shakes his head at my cussing, drinking, and loud personality, but loves me because I love others. I used to think that being a woman of God meant you had to be perfect and live by the Word, black and white, no room for gray area. As I’ve gotten older I know that’s not the case. Each night in my prayers I ask God to help me be a better person. I work hard to be kinder, more giving, and less judgmental. I stumble, take wrong turns, take steps back, oops, I sin a bit… but I know God and Gram are cheering me on. I know they still love me despite my faults and all I need to do is be the best person I can be.

I realize religion is different to everyone, and for everyone. I think that’s what makes religion so special and powerful. Religion plays such an important role in who you are and your outlook on life. Which is why I get frustrated with our PC culture, and people’s eagerness to be offended. We can’t talk about who we are and what’s important to us without it being spun and suddenly we’re an asshole. But conversely have never felt the need to push my thoughts onto anyone else. Nothing raises my hackles more than someone pushing their ideas and beliefs onto me. I look forward to the day when we can all support one another and respect other’s feelings and beliefs. We should empower one another to be the best versions of ourselves, and religion is often at the heart of this.

I believe religion is important in one’s moral compass, and shouldn’t be hidden for fear of retribution, but also shouldn’t be pushed on others… so naturally religion is something that’s always been relatively private to me, but critical to my well-being. I struggled over the last couple years and found myself grasping for anything to help clear the muddy water. I ended up turning the pages in Gram’s bible and ordering some religious-based books.

As important as the words written in it, Gram’s bible is symbolic and calming, and just opening it provides a sense of relief. As I was looking for a sign, some direction, anything, I flipped through her bible and was looking at pages and verses she had marked. Coincidence or her guiding me, I stumbled upon some verses that hit home and help set me right.

I’ll be honest, although I grew up around religion and scripture, my knowledge of specific stories and the bible’s wisdom, are limited. This used to intimidate me, now I look at it as an opportunity. It’s not a competition about who knows scripture better than someone else, it’s about accepting who you are and where you are in your journey, and taking the opportunity to learn from others. I think it’s also important to recognize the fact that scripture can be hard to interpret. I purchased Joyce Meyer’s “Power Thoughts Devotional”, which has a passage of scripture and how to interpret that, for every day of the year. This particular devotional book focuses on positive thoughts and outlook. You know how I said life felt dark and muddy? This was critical in clearing things up. I would read and reflect each morning on that day’s thought. Unfortunately I got out of this routine, but am working it back in. It entails carving out 5 minutes of my morning routine, but quite frankly you make time for what’s important. It starts the day positive, and helps ground me. When you get up in the morning and automatically scroll through your phone, it is easy is lose sight of reality…

I don’t think I’ll be invited to play the roll of Angel #3 anytime soon, but I’m thankful for God and Gram’s continued guidance. Whatever God or religion looks like in your heart, I hope it continues to be a positive, guiding light. Don’t let our PC-driven culture derail you, if anything I hope we all become more understanding, inclusive, and, well, who the hell cares?!

Sorry God… I’ll work on that…